How to Two Chair

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself." -Rumi

Practical, tactical, and maybe a bit weird at first… but possibly life changing. That’s how I would summarize the next tool I’d like to discuss. One of the points of Hope and Venom is to share distillations of thought and exploration as something actionable.

The Two Chair Exercise is one of my favorites.

It’s based on IFS — Internal Family Systems — which is a method of exploring and understanding your inner world in an approachable way. If you’ve ever had a conversation with yourself (and you 100% have), this is for you. The way I describe it: IFS is a way to speak with versions of yourself — your inner child, your inner adolescent, your shadow self — in a way that is productive and insightful. One thing worth saying upfront: even if it’s not literally true, it is absolutely helpful to assume you are actually conversing with distinct Parts of your Self. The frame earns its keep.

Here’s how it works. Grab two chairs and set them up facing one another. Sit in the first, and open a conversation with the inner part you want to connect with. Then physically get up, move to the opposite chair, and answer as that part. The physical act of switching matters — it’s not metaphorical, it’s mechanical, and that’s the point. Every time I’ve done this, something surprises me.

You may feel resistance. Set it aside if you can.

The exercise doesn’t have to stay internal, either. You can use the second chair to speak with someone else entirely — a friend, a parent, a fictional character, even an experience you’ve had. This is where the exercise opens into something bigger. I believe that everything is energy in different forms — and that’s not mysticism, it’s physics. The relationships you have with other people and things are themselves entities: the you, the me, and the we. The Two Chair Exercise gives you a way to speak directly to the we — to pull something ephemeral and elusive into something tangible, tactical, and true.

That’s the whole game, really.

Until next time,

-Paul Michael